January 28, 2017

Tom: One of the creatures is in front of you. It does not look happy.

John: I deal 27 damage to it.

Tom: It will no longer feel happy or sad ever again.
Hunter: You're really doing this?

Patrick: Hey, a goblin is arguably better than a hag.

Hunter: At least a hag can change her appearance to look like whatever you desire.

Patrick: Yeah, but she won't.
Tom: You're pretty sure the goblin is flirting with you.

Patrick: A'ight.

Dianne: Seriously? After all that fuss over the hag?

January 13, 2017

Tom: There are spellbooks here, most of them bound in human skin.

Gavin: (playing a new character) "Excellent work on some of these..."

Hunter: "I'm sorry, but the position of bug-fuck creepy weirdo has already been filled in this party."
Tom: You see a sod house on top of the hill, built to hag size.

Gavin: If Finn were here he could tell us if it were the place.

Dianne: You know, his character is also an accomplished wizard and scholar...

Hunter: But you fuck one hag...

January 06, 2017

Hunter: The Hex spell lets me deal an additional 1d6 necrotic damage with every hit.

Jason: Give her necrotizing fasciitis!

Tom: Damn necrophiliac fascists!
Jason: "Oxidation beast?" You mean a Rust Monster with the serial numbers filled off?
Hunter: Show me on the mini where the bad hag touched you...
Tom: Lightning strikes two of the ravenfolk.

Patrick: Oh no! Flying types are weak against electric attacks!
Tom: What's your spell do?

Hunter: It creates a sphere of blackness from the depths of space that deals 2d6 cold damage to any creature that starts its turn in the radius, and if a creature ends its turn in the radius they have to make a Dex save or take 2d6 acid as tentacles from beyond space and time creepily cares them.

Dianne: And you're sure you're on our side?
Tom: "To speak with us you would be better to seek the path through Dark Alfheim rather than try to pierce the defenses  Light Alfheim."

Hunter: "And where would I find such a path?"

Tom: "Seek where the dwarves once dwelt."

Hunter: "Oh goody. Stream powered robots and Morlock elves."

Tom: "Wrong plane of existence."
Dianne: Is Patrick coming?

Gavin: Which one?

Hunter: Patrick-Patrick or Finn the Hag-fucker?

Dianne: Yes.