May 16, 2014

Ian: I'm just going to reach into my pocket and feed my turtle.

Dianne: Is that what you call it?
Hunter: Your critical miss effect is... (draws card) You teleport to the nearest square to the target.

Tom: Now you can attack it in melee like God intended!
John: "You have any more horse nuts?"

Tom" How did you know that's what they were?"

John: "Because they're tasty."
Eli: "I thought we were rescuing children."

Karen: "No, that's just a pleasant side effect."
Hunter: The peasants here are hyper evolved so they reach sexual maturity by age 5.  It's the only way they can continue to exist.

Tom: That'd still only give them a couple generations before the family horse died and they'd starve.
Hunter: Rhinos are just ugly unicorns.  They killed the others for calling them names.

Karen: Well, if they weren't clique-y bitches it wouldn't have happened.
Eli: Jason, I don't know why but I always have an unreasonable hate for your animal companions.

Tom: It's not unreasonable.
Hunter: (after rolling 3 critical failures in an attempt to hit Eli's character) You are a GOD DAMN WITCH.

March 17, 2014

Bryan: My Initiative is 51.

Amanda: You are made of race car parts!
Dallas: "Can I make some ninja's shoes out of it?"

Bryan: "You are a highly trained ice ninja and the first thought that comes to mind is 'Can I make some metal ninja shoes?'  Aren't metal shoes kind of the antithesis of ninjas?"
Chris: "Kick it in the ghost dick!"

February 27, 2014

Hunter: He's a Djinni on the streets, but an Efreeti between the sheets...
Hunter: Guess this is a TPK...

Amanda: No.

Hunter: No?

Ernie: Two of us aren't in the pit and can still leave.

Hunter: Help?

Ernie: Well, I could, but then you wouldn't learn anything.
Ernie: "Natara, do you use whips?"

Hunter: Not in battle.

Donna: Uhh...

Ernie: Mee-YOW.
Nick: You can't crit an object.

Ernie: But you can crit your pants!
Nick: It's a wand of bull's strength.

Ernie: ::writing:: Wand... of... B.S...

Hunter: You don't need magic for that, just a high Bluff check.
Ernie: "What's his name?  Grignak?  Azzaguk?"

Thomas: "Ass-to-mouth, whatever.  That guy sucks."
Tom: "You saw how we defeated all your enemies practically at once?  I did that simply for money; imagine what I'll do if you don't pay me."
Chris: You just got fisted by a giant robot.

Hunter: The worst part is the cold hands.

Chris: THAT'S the worst part?

Tom: The spiked knuckles would have been my bet.

Chris: You know, actually, the worst part is probably the fact that they don't call afterwards.
::heavyset BBEG floats through the air instead of walking::

Chris: Jesus, he's like the Baron Harkonnen of Dragonborn...
Eric: They're all big automatons.

Chris: So no weapons?

Eric: They have big knife-hands.

Chris: Oh, is that all?
Eric: "I have heard so much about you but I had yet to see you."

Tom: "But I sent you an autographed picture!"
Eric: You return to Lethurna for your reward.

Tom: Isn't that where all the dead wait in line for eons to be judged for their deeds in life?  Can I just ask to get a free pass to the front when I die?
Tom: "Hi-ho Smegma!  Away!"

Hunter: "The funny thing is that means 'Chuckles' in the orc tongue."

Chris: "I'd tell him what it really means in Common but it's too hilarious this way."
Tom: "History, huh?  That's stuff that happened in the past, right?"
Donna: I'm going to Lesser Restorate him.

February 26, 2014

Nick: I used my hurting die for initiative and it hurt me.
Hunter: You fail to disarm the trap and it explodes.

Amanda: Uh oh.  Who does it hit?

Hunter: Everyone without a lot of hit points.
::Amanda critically fails, cuts off another character's hand; the enemies watch this and ignore her for a round::

Ernie: "Thanks for giving us a hand."