April 08, 2017

Tom: "You have all that gold; can I get some?"

Hunter: "Did you kill the Dragon guarding it?"

Tom: "No?"

Hunter: "Then you already know the answer."
Dianne: What about all the gold in the boat? Can we fold up the boat with the gold in it? Does the magic work that way?

Tom: No, it's like trying to solve a Rubik's Cube that's covered in peanut butter; technically possible but in practice it's just going to make a mess.

February 23, 2017

Hunter: I dismiss my Evard's Black Tentacles.


John: I charge the elf.


Tom: The elf ceases to be violated by tentacles and is instead violated by John's axe.
Hunter: ::rolls large handful of damage dice::  Aww... That's not nearly as much as I wanted.


Tom: You just blew somebody's arm off and you're complaining about it not being a critical hit!
Hunter: We can't stop here. This is Elf country...
Tom: The seneschal tells you "If you need anything, hit this statue with the tiny mallet to summon me," then leaves.


Karen: I'm going to hit it to see what it does.


Tom: First it begins screaming, then turns into a gnome who cries "I will fetch him!" and runs off.


Karen: Cool! I guess I should think of something to ask for when he gets back.
Tom: "I have a scheme long in the making, which I will now pretentiously monologue about..."