May 03, 2017

Tom: On a scale of 1-47, how enraged is your character?

John: All of it.
Tom: "So I am to challenge you for Fenrir's favor?"

Gavin: "No."

Tom: "No?"

Gavin: "You're not a challenge."
Tom: Back to the evil wizard...

Gavin: I never said I was evil.

Hunter: You didn't HAVE to!

April 08, 2017

Tom: "You have all that gold; can I get some?"

Hunter: "Did you kill the Dragon guarding it?"

Tom: "No?"

Hunter: "Then you already know the answer."
Dianne: What about all the gold in the boat? Can we fold up the boat with the gold in it? Does the magic work that way?

Tom: No, it's like trying to solve a Rubik's Cube that's covered in peanut butter; technically possible but in practice it's just going to make a mess.

February 23, 2017

Hunter: I dismiss my Evard's Black Tentacles.


John: I charge the elf.


Tom: The elf ceases to be violated by tentacles and is instead violated by John's axe.
Hunter: ::rolls large handful of damage dice::  Aww... That's not nearly as much as I wanted.


Tom: You just blew somebody's arm off and you're complaining about it not being a critical hit!