February 23, 2017

Hunter: I dismiss my Evard's Black Tentacles.

John: I charge the elf.

Tom: The elf ceases to be violated by tentacles and is instead violated by John's axe.
Hunter: ::rolls large handful of damage dice::  Aww... That's not nearly as much as I wanted.

Tom: You just blew somebody's arm off and you're complaining about it not being a critical hit!
Hunter: We can't stop here. This is Elf country...
Tom: The seneschal tells you "If you need anything, hit this statue with the tiny mallet to summon me," then leaves.

Karen: I'm going to hit it to see what it does.

Tom: First it begins screaming, then turns into a gnome who cries "I will fetch him!" and runs off.

Karen: Cool! I guess I should think of something to ask for when he gets back.
Tom: "I have a scheme long in the making, which I will now pretentiously monologue about..."
Tom: Are you going to loot the place?

Hunter: He's a giant. Does he have anything valuable that's small enough for us to carry off?

Tom: Maybe a silver spoon you could sharpen and use as an axe.

John: ...Al right, I'm going back in.

February 11, 2017

Hunter: :: sigh:: I guess I'll go save Gavin.

Tom: Really? Why?