February 23, 2017

Hunter: I dismiss my Evard's Black Tentacles.

John: I charge the elf.

Tom: The elf ceases to be violated by tentacles and is instead violated by John's axe.
Hunter: ::rolls large handful of damage dice::  Aww... That's not nearly as much as I wanted.

Tom: You just blew somebody's arm off and you're complaining about it not being a critical hit!
Hunter: We can't stop here. This is Elf country...
Tom: The seneschal tells you "If you need anything, hit this statue with the tiny mallet to summon me," then leaves.

Karen: I'm going to hit it to see what it does.

Tom: First it begins screaming, then turns into a gnome who cries "I will fetch him!" and runs off.

Karen: Cool! I guess I should think of something to ask for when he gets back.
Tom: "I have a scheme long in the making, which I will now pretentiously monologue about..."
Tom: Are you going to loot the place?

Hunter: He's a giant. Does he have anything valuable that's small enough for us to carry off?

Tom: Maybe a silver spoon you could sharpen and use as an axe.

John: ...Al right, I'm going back in.

February 11, 2017

Hunter: :: sigh:: I guess I'll go save Gavin.

Tom: Really? Why?
Tom: "Do you also wish to make a deal for power?"

Gavin: "What will you give me for the souls of my family?"



Dianne:...really dude?
Tom: "Don't go down the left path. That's Bobmagog, not Gogmagog."
Hunter: No, my patron  Gogmagog. This guy is Agragog.

Jason: He's the Gog of Agriculture.

Tom: Agra-Grog is the Gog of fermentation.
Tom: You're selling your soul for a giant chicken?!

February 08, 2017

Dianne: What mojo is this dwarf chick laying down that she gets away with murdering every suitor who tries to marry her?!

Hunter: She walks around topless with gems braided in her nipple hair.

Karen: Jesus, dude...

Hunter: You're right. That's an unrealistic expectation of beauty and we shouldn't glorify it.
Jason: What about the band? Are they still playing?

John: They've probably pulled battleaxes out of their tubas, knowing this crowd.
Tom: "Being me his head after the ceremony and I'll pay you it's weight in gold."

Gavin: I cast "Enlarge" on the head...
Tom: (moving enemies on the grid) These two don't like Jay, this one doesn't like Karen, and this one doesn't like Dianne.

John: And none of them like vegetables.
Hunter: "How did this guy smash your house to bits?"

Tom: "Henchmen. And some dogs."

Karen: "What kind of dogs?"

Hunter: Dire Pugs. Does it really matter?