October 22, 2013

Eli: I hate the term "Grammar Nazi".  Why would you ever call yourself a Nazi?

Jason: Would you prefer "Grammar Asshole"?

Tom: No.  That sounds like Elder Porn.
Eli: "How do you know how to kill someone with a bagel?"

Tom: "My father was an orc chef-tain."
Eli: With my powers, my punches are like a rave!

Jeffrey: "Fletcher!  It's 2 A.M.!  Turn off your fists!"
Amanda: I'm having my elemental attack.  His name's Air-Bro.

Ernie: No, he should be Earth-Bro because it's ironic.

Hunter: So he's a Geo-Dude?
Ernie: "Join our clan!  We wear white hoods to identify ourselves."

Nick: "Okay."

All: ...

Nick: What?  I have family from Alabama.
Tom: Is Fletcher down below?

Hunter: No, he's abovedecks, right next to the big monster.

Tom: Oh.  Then that one's dead.  What else is there?
Hunter: Jason's flaming horse is in the brig.

Eric: Do you want to go to jail, horse?  Neigh!
Eric: "It's probably just dolphins.  Nothing to worry about."

Eli: I pick her up and point her in the right direction.

Eric: ::rolls again:: "Oh.  I see what you're getting at now."
Tom: Is there room for a flaming horse?

Eli: Depends.  Just how gay is it?

Eric: It only eats Haaaaaayyy.
John: "What are you good at?"

Eric: "Sailing, fighting, drinking..."

Tom: "How about 'not getting hit by lightning'?"
Eric: Now the Dockworker's Guild just needs to get five ships out of the Sea of Teeth.

Tom: Well, unfortunately I can't beat the ocean into submission or I'd help.
Jason: Calling it "The Big People Inn" is a better name than it's real one of "The Short-Nosed Dog".

Eric: Well, it IS a halfling town...
Jason: "Where are you located?"

Eric: "Well, we have bases-"

Eli: I punch him in the mouth.
Eli: No.  Hralgnarg (Tom) is not the leader.

John: Yeah, he's not that great at Perception, or Diplomacy...

Tom: Or abstract thought...

October 02, 2013

Eli: If you had to guess, it would seem that someone just Captain Kirk'ed you in the back of the head.
David: It goes Invisible.

Nick S: Cast the spells that make it reappear!

Amanda: I cast Detect Magic!

David: You're in the First World.  Everything is magic.

Amanda: Fuck.
Ernie: Of course plants take criticals!  If you punch a tomato in the tomato, you just killed that tomato!
Eric: As he falls, he begins this speech...

Tom: Quick!  Hit him again before he monologues!
Dianne: First thing I do is un-fuck myself.
Eli: Can I make an Acrobatics check to run across the tops of the dwarves' heads?

Tom: You'd probably need a Diplomacy roll to keep them from biting you as you pass, too.

Hunter: It's like a nightmare.  A sea of toothy beards biting at your feet.
Tom: Oh for fuck's sake!  He hit the horsey man!  That's our horsey man!  Roll some Initiative!"
Jason: I'm going to charge up and plant my pick in his back.

Eric: He's 15 feet up in the air.

Jason: I have a horse.

Eric: O...ok?
Eric: You see skeletons riding spiders as big as ponies in the back of this web-filled room.

Tom: Wait, as big as ponies with the legs included, or the bodies are as big as ponies?

Eric: The bodies alone.

Hunter: I'm setting this room on fire and bugging the fuck out.
Nick S: "I hate to say it, but we need to go back to the Hunger Dark."

Erin: "It's the Happy Cleft!"
Erin: Can I cast Animate Object on the book?

David: Yes.  Why?

Erin: I want it to follow me.

David: You realize it can't walk or fly, right?

Hunter: I'm imagining this book flipping end over end after her like unto a slinky...
Hunter: "You were fine with the bugbear shock troops we have but you had to try to murder the weretiger."

Nick S: "No, I want to kill the bugbears too!"
Erin: I'm going to make a dress out of the swan feathers!

David: Craft check.

Erin: 13!

David: You make a dress.  It's terrible, but it's a dress.

Hunter: "We... we have dressmakers and tailors here, Bit.  We can have them make you a swan costume from those feathers..."

Erin: "Tell them I want a hat, too!"
Ernie: My next ability is "Cloak of Wasps" which turns the flesh of my back into a swarm of wasps that carries me around.

Hunter: What's next?  You going to put us all off our lunch forever by sleeping on a bed of maggots?

Ernie: That does sound comfortable...
Ernie: "We need to take this to her turf, like we did with Iravetti."

Hunter: "Sounds like a plan."

Ernie: "We'll kill her like we did him, and cut off his balls and fed them to his wife!"

Nick S: Took it a little far there...
Ernie: "Hey, do you agree we should head home at some point?"

Nick S: "Yeah, I guess."

Ernie: "Good." Teleport.  You agreed!  You're a willing participant!
Nick S: "I deserve an apology for the way you've been treating me."

Hunter: "You just attacked someone I was negotiating with!"

Nick S: "Weretiger!"
Ernie: "You just attacked her for no reason."

Nick S: "She was a weretiger."

Ernie: "She wan't doing anything!"

Nick S: "Weretiger."

Ernie: "She surrendered!"

Nick S: "Were. Tiger."
Eric: Mindflayer attacks Hralgnarg.  35 vs. Will.

Tom: Drooling time! Hand me some pudding!
David: I thought you said you weren't going to metagame.

Nick S: He said he wouldn't metagame with Ernie.

Amanda: I'm stupider than Ernie and need more help.

Hunter: I never said that.

Amanda: No, you didn't say it...
David: He's going to coup de grace you.

Donna: No!  I don't want to die!  Again!
David: You don't have DR/adamantine, do you?  Because it doesn't matter if you do.