December 30, 2013

Sorry about the lack of posts

Between the holidays interrupting games and draining me of energy, I haven't really been able to keep things updating.  Sorry about that, and I will have a bunch for you after the New Year.

November 16, 2013

Chris: Kick him in the ghost dick!
Amanda: Oh my God, dice!  Fuck you right in the face!
Eric: Well that was anticlimactic.  I didn't expect her to die when I shot her.

Chris: It's a bullet, dude.

Eric: I was just prepared for her to be a super voodoo lady.

Chris: Voodoo doesn't make you bulletproof.
Eli [As Dr. Frankenstein]: "Dr. Nash!  I've read your work!"

Chris: "Yeah, I... read about you in English class..."
Amanda: "Ace, where am I?"

Eli: "You are directly underneath the house where most of your friends died."

Amanda: "...I knew that much."

Eli: "Then why did you ask?"
Amanda: All right.  It's basement time.

Eli: It's where she keeps the dungeon.

Amanda: It's a fun-geon!
Amanda: It has to hurt or it won't heal.
Bryan: How many arrows do I have to put in this guy?  He's like a reverse Kerplunk tube; how many stick do I have to put in before the marbles all fall out?

November 14, 2013

Eric: "Be wary, travelers.  The souls of the Dead take this path to Lethurna, and predators have thus taken up residence along it."

Eli: "Don't they have to put signs up and go door to door to let people know?"

Chris: "Wrong type of predator, Fletcher..."
Eric: "There's a secret way, but you won't like it."

Tom: "Oh gods..."

Eric: "You'll have to go through the Shadowfell."

Tom: "Oh, good!  I thought sewers were going to be involved!"
Tom: "I'm buying a horse, because I can ride it and then when I get tired of it I can eat it."
Tom: One of these days I'm going to use that portal to find a universe with competent guards.
Eli: I need to buy Fletcher a Horn of Summons.  If Fletcher blows it, all creatures within a mile hear it and all allies immediately wake up if sleeping and know my exact location in relation to them, his current HP, and his status.

Tom: But will it make anyone care?

Eli: ...No.
Eli: So what did we loot?

Jason: A lot of art and wine.

Hunter: This is a vampire's castle; that's not wine.

Chris: Even the cigars are blood.

Eli: I thought they'd be orphan skin or something.

Tom: Scabs wrapped in orphan skin, maybe.
Eric: Your power list reads like a set list for a Norwegian Black Metal Band...
Tom" His horse isn't really gay, he's just been raping it this whole time.

Hunter: Took it just a little far there.

Tom: Neigh means neigh!
Eric: You only disable most of the traps.  Your conscripted minions will still have to deal with the rest.

Jason: Meh.  They're just gnolls.
Tom: [playing an evil character] "He's tricky, huh?  He wouldn't do something like infiltrate an adventuring group and pretend to be a hero so he could kill things and get gold, would he?"
Eric: The door opens to reveal four drow with readied crossbows pointed at you.

Tom: Good!  I want to kill one!

October 22, 2013

Eli: I hate the term "Grammar Nazi".  Why would you ever call yourself a Nazi?

Jason: Would you prefer "Grammar Asshole"?

Tom: No.  That sounds like Elder Porn.
Eli: "How do you know how to kill someone with a bagel?"

Tom: "My father was an orc chef-tain."
Eli: With my powers, my punches are like a rave!

Jeffrey: "Fletcher!  It's 2 A.M.!  Turn off your fists!"
Amanda: I'm having my elemental attack.  His name's Air-Bro.

Ernie: No, he should be Earth-Bro because it's ironic.

Hunter: So he's a Geo-Dude?
Ernie: "Join our clan!  We wear white hoods to identify ourselves."

Nick: "Okay."

All: ...

Nick: What?  I have family from Alabama.
Tom: Is Fletcher down below?

Hunter: No, he's abovedecks, right next to the big monster.

Tom: Oh.  Then that one's dead.  What else is there?
Hunter: Jason's flaming horse is in the brig.

Eric: Do you want to go to jail, horse?  Neigh!
Eric: "It's probably just dolphins.  Nothing to worry about."

Eli: I pick her up and point her in the right direction.

Eric: ::rolls again:: "Oh.  I see what you're getting at now."
Tom: Is there room for a flaming horse?

Eli: Depends.  Just how gay is it?

Eric: It only eats Haaaaaayyy.
John: "What are you good at?"

Eric: "Sailing, fighting, drinking..."

Tom: "How about 'not getting hit by lightning'?"
Eric: Now the Dockworker's Guild just needs to get five ships out of the Sea of Teeth.

Tom: Well, unfortunately I can't beat the ocean into submission or I'd help.
Jason: Calling it "The Big People Inn" is a better name than it's real one of "The Short-Nosed Dog".

Eric: Well, it IS a halfling town...
Jason: "Where are you located?"

Eric: "Well, we have bases-"

Eli: I punch him in the mouth.
Eli: No.  Hralgnarg (Tom) is not the leader.

John: Yeah, he's not that great at Perception, or Diplomacy...

Tom: Or abstract thought...

October 02, 2013

Eli: If you had to guess, it would seem that someone just Captain Kirk'ed you in the back of the head.
David: It goes Invisible.

Nick S: Cast the spells that make it reappear!

Amanda: I cast Detect Magic!

David: You're in the First World.  Everything is magic.

Amanda: Fuck.
Ernie: Of course plants take criticals!  If you punch a tomato in the tomato, you just killed that tomato!
Eric: As he falls, he begins this speech...

Tom: Quick!  Hit him again before he monologues!
Dianne: First thing I do is un-fuck myself.
Eli: Can I make an Acrobatics check to run across the tops of the dwarves' heads?

Tom: You'd probably need a Diplomacy roll to keep them from biting you as you pass, too.

Hunter: It's like a nightmare.  A sea of toothy beards biting at your feet.
Tom: Oh for fuck's sake!  He hit the horsey man!  That's our horsey man!  Roll some Initiative!"
Jason: I'm going to charge up and plant my pick in his back.

Eric: He's 15 feet up in the air.

Jason: I have a horse.

Eric: O...ok?
Eric: You see skeletons riding spiders as big as ponies in the back of this web-filled room.

Tom: Wait, as big as ponies with the legs included, or the bodies are as big as ponies?

Eric: The bodies alone.

Hunter: I'm setting this room on fire and bugging the fuck out.
Nick S: "I hate to say it, but we need to go back to the Hunger Dark."

Erin: "It's the Happy Cleft!"
Erin: Can I cast Animate Object on the book?

David: Yes.  Why?

Erin: I want it to follow me.

David: You realize it can't walk or fly, right?

Hunter: I'm imagining this book flipping end over end after her like unto a slinky...
Hunter: "You were fine with the bugbear shock troops we have but you had to try to murder the weretiger."

Nick S: "No, I want to kill the bugbears too!"
Erin: I'm going to make a dress out of the swan feathers!

David: Craft check.

Erin: 13!

David: You make a dress.  It's terrible, but it's a dress.

Hunter: "We... we have dressmakers and tailors here, Bit.  We can have them make you a swan costume from those feathers..."

Erin: "Tell them I want a hat, too!"
Ernie: My next ability is "Cloak of Wasps" which turns the flesh of my back into a swarm of wasps that carries me around.

Hunter: What's next?  You going to put us all off our lunch forever by sleeping on a bed of maggots?

Ernie: That does sound comfortable...
Ernie: "We need to take this to her turf, like we did with Iravetti."

Hunter: "Sounds like a plan."

Ernie: "We'll kill her like we did him, and cut off his balls and fed them to his wife!"

Nick S: Took it a little far there...
Ernie: "Hey, do you agree we should head home at some point?"

Nick S: "Yeah, I guess."

Ernie: "Good." Teleport.  You agreed!  You're a willing participant!
Nick S: "I deserve an apology for the way you've been treating me."

Hunter: "You just attacked someone I was negotiating with!"

Nick S: "Weretiger!"
Ernie: "You just attacked her for no reason."

Nick S: "She was a weretiger."

Ernie: "She wan't doing anything!"

Nick S: "Weretiger."

Ernie: "She surrendered!"

Nick S: "Were. Tiger."
Eric: Mindflayer attacks Hralgnarg.  35 vs. Will.

Tom: Drooling time! Hand me some pudding!
David: I thought you said you weren't going to metagame.

Nick S: He said he wouldn't metagame with Ernie.

Amanda: I'm stupider than Ernie and need more help.

Hunter: I never said that.

Amanda: No, you didn't say it...
David: He's going to coup de grace you.

Donna: No!  I don't want to die!  Again!
David: You don't have DR/adamantine, do you?  Because it doesn't matter if you do.

September 11, 2013

Amanda: "I'm going to sneak into your pants real quick."

Chris: "Says the date rapist."

Amanda: "This isn't a date."
Bryan: Oh good.  I dodged the pistols only to be hit by the white-hot doom rifles.
Bryan: "Look, we know you don't actually like kids.  You like the tender, succulent meat ON kids."
Eli: "Cape Boy there got me all riled up but didn't finish the job."

Jerry: "Men."
Bryan: [fighting supervillain called the Mirror] "You should know that Redeemers in the Mirror are more dangerous than they appear!"

[groans around the table]

Jerry: "Seven years of bad jokes..."

August 28, 2013

Hunter: "Are you going to do something disgusting again?"

Ernie: "... No!"
Eric: "We didn't want to drive out the dwarves, but evil things have taken over our homes."

Chris M: "I don't speak giant.  What is he saying?"

Tom: "Something about real estate."
David: He's a big man.  With big swords.

Hunter: It's not the size that counts.
Hunter: "Once we claim this territory we're hiring some dwarf sappers to cave this place in."

Erin: "Why?"

Hunter: "It's called the Hunger Dark. It can't be in any way good."

Erin: "We could clean it out and rename it."

Hunter: "Like what?"

Erin: "We can call this crevice the Happy Cleft!"

Hunter: "..."

Erin: "What?"
Erin: "But I have to protect you!"

Hunter: "That's Kull's job."

Erin: "... he's not doing a good job.  You're fairly depraved."

Nick S: "Hey!  I only protect him from physical threats.  Whatever he does to himself is not my problem."
Eric: The mages stand up and open their robes, releasing a noxious shroud.

Hunter: What, did they eat Taco Bell before the battle?
John: Are there any clan marking on these guys?

Hunter: Well, they all have white robes and hoods...
Eric: "You have to pay the toll to pass."

Dianne: "What is the toll?  Do you accept currency in the manner of 'Not killing you'?"
Jason: "I see subtlety will not be this group's strong point."

Tom: "Says the man with the flaming horse."
Eric: What you learn about their recent history is that they've lost 60% of their population due to wars over the past few decades and another is brewing.

Tom: Maybe we should be sending them Poli-Sci majors and diplomats instead of mercenaries...
Hunter: I'm a dwarven monk.  A drunken master to be precise.

Eric: So a normal dwarven monk?

Hunter: You RACIST.
Hunter: "Why are you here?"

David: "We were told to guard the sword."

Nick S: "You mean this one?"

David: "Obviously we failed."
David: He shouts "I give up!"

Donna: Kill him anyway!

Hunter: You're Lawful Good.

Donna: Dammit!
Nick S: "I'm not doing that; it has deep spiritual significance to me."

David: Are you talking about cutting off your penis?

Nick S: No!

Ernie: Just the tip.

Nick S: NO!
Hunter: "So you're just helping me become king so you can kill me and usurp my throne?"

Nick S: "Or until I find a Linnorm to slay single-handedly."

Hunter: "... Maybe you should leave..."
Nick S: Shouldn't that second elemental have tried to grab me?

David: Oh!  Right!

Hunter: Why would you help him?

Nick S: Live by the rules, die by the rules.
Eric: No means no.

Hunter: Except when it means yes.

Jason: But then "Bananas means no.

Tom: What?

Eric: I think that's his safe word.
Dianne: Well, since tomorrow is Frank's birthday, and Friday is mine, and I have this gently used cake...
Ernie: "I have some tuna for you."

David: "I'm not a real cat."

Ernie: "It's not real tuna?"
Ernie: My flesh turns into a swarm of fleas and climbs onto the giant eagle.

Nick S: "That's the creepiest thing I've seen all day."

Ernie: A swarm of spiders will carry my bones up there.

Nick S: "I take it back.  That's the creepiest thing I've seen all day."
Nick S: Normal, logical people don't become adventurers.

Ernie: Normal people have Intelligence scores of 10.  If they're logical, we're way past that.  We flipped off Logic in the rearview mirror.
Frank: So now that the bad guy has me, I assume I'm being turned into a zombie...

Eric: Oh no.  Nothing that easy and non-sadistic.

Frank: Well shit.
Tom: So there's a horde of zombies shuffling through self-checkout?

Eric: Past the Customer Service desk where all the self help books and keychains are.

Hunter: It's really creepy when one picks up a book and reads the back cover, then puts it back and resumes shuffling and moaning.
Frank: "I can't do much or talk 'cause the zombies are nearby."

Hunter: Can't talk, zombies will eat me.
Frank: I turn on my flashlight.

Tom: Surprise!  You're still at Home Depot.

Eric: You get swarmed by a pack of Mexicans.
Hunter: "You're a wizard!  Why are you buying fireworks?!"

Dianne: "Because it's fun!"
Eric: Hey, I have social skills!

Tom: Is that why you attacked the Fomor emissary when he came to parlay?
Eric: Eli's the only one who can ask for my sandwich.

Hunter: Then give me your milkshake!

Jason: But he needs it to bring all the boys to his yard.

August 27, 2013

Frank: "Is me shooting him calming him down?"
Chris M: "If you find children, leave them where they are, unless they're in danger then remove them from the building and come help us."

Amanda: "But I can only fly if I'm carrying a young child."

Chris M: "That's really... I don't..." Where is that defect in the book?
Bryan: I'm going to drive around the legs of the giant as I fire a grappling arrow at his leg.

Chris M: Are you Hoth-ing this giant?

Bryan: I am totally Hoth-ing this giant.
Chris M: "How many arrows did you put in him?"

Bryan: "How many legs does he have?"
Bryan: I gave up sweet ramps for Lent.
Phil: Once you [Amanda] are away from the bad guys, you could hide and he'd never find you.

Eli: To be fair, I could hide and you would never find me.

Chris M: No, we could; all we'd have to do is listen for the sounds of children crying and people being offended.
Eric: Somehow I thought you said they raid Apple Stores.  I was picturing a horse going into one and saying "There are no apples here!" then just smashing everything.
Bryan: This got gross fast, like at the speed of projectile vomit.
Chris M: He's not really a goblin; he's two really small midgets inside a slightly larger midget suit.
Phil: "You're part of our troupe, sir!  You're our archer!"

Bryan: "Yes.  What do you want me to arch?"
Eric: If you're having boss problems I feel bad for you son.  I got 99 problems but your death ain't one.

Chris M: I hate you so much.

August 26, 2013

Tom: You want me to tell you what my elf eyes see?

Hunter: Since when did you have elf eyes?

Tom: Since I took them from an elf, obviously.
Eli: My brain read that grape soda as "grapple flavored".

Eric: It's going to wrestle the thirst out of you.
Eric: "Why does everything happen at the park?"

Eli: "Vulture, do you know anything about this tree full of kids?"

Amanda: "Shhhhhhh!"
Eli: "We need Tiki to hit her really hard.  Right in the lady parts."
Eli: "Why are we putting dogs in tupperware?"

Bryan: "To keep them fresh for later, obviously."
Phil: He starts screaming.

Eric: Is it surprised screaming or injured screaming?

Bryan: Or is it "I need an adult" screaming?
Dianne: "Did you just say True Love 'beats off' White Court vampires?"

Hunter: ::sigh:: "God dammit I did."

Chris: "We're trying to figure out how to kill vampires and you tell us how to make their day better."
Tom: "I believe in God the same way I believe in France; they both exist but I don't see how that affects ME in any way."
Charlie: "Where is your brother, dwarf?"

Tom: "Which one?"

Hunter: The short one with the beard.
Hunter: You have downtime.  Talk amongst yourselves.

Frank: "Talky talky gabba gabba?"

Jerry: "I can't handle such deep conversation."
Hunter: If I convinced my wife to play RPGs we'd have to play something else, because she's not into superheroes.

Frank: Well to be fair we're not really superheroes.  We're kind of jerks and... kind of jerks.
Nick: Is your character going to get drunk before the joust?  Because that would be AWESOME.
Hunter: Who has a Cure spell prepared?  Because that was a BURN.
Hunter: I only need a 5 to succeed.  ::fails:: God Dammit.
David: A green dragon drops her spell of invisibility and attacks.

Nick S: Scandal!  It's almost as if she were EVIL or something!

Hunter: Greens are LAWFUL evil!  They're supposed to follow the rules!

Amanda: Her rule seems to be "Cheat."

Hunter: Well damn.
Tom: "Ram one of your drones into an exhaust vent!"

Eric: "I'm not sacrificing a 15,000 nuyen drone for this!"

Tom: "Where's your dedication to the run?"

Karen: "Where's his dedication? You were the one whining about having to waste an arrow!"
Eric: I'm going to roll to figure out where the chopper's vital systems are.

Tom: That's easy: Under the armor plating.
Frank: I'd comment on damaging the Johnson's package, but I don't think it would be taken so well...
Eric: "We could blow the sewers to block egress, but I don't want to damage the product."

Tom: "All of that just sounds wrong."
Frank: Can I roll dodge to avoid this conversation?
Jerry: The more you don't want to know...

Frank: The more you repress.
Jerry: I want to open a sandwich shop that also sells Indian food and call it The New Delhi.
Jerry: We are terrible people.

Jason: And worse fungi.
Ernie: "Ever notice how barbarians are always bragging about things everyone expects them to do? "I can read!"  Bitch you SHOULD be able to read!"
Hunter: How do you think I keep my wife happy?

Ernie; Shutting up and letting her spend the money?
Ernie: Guys put their dice down their pants to make them roll better.

Nick S: Um... No we don't.
Hunter: Don't judge me!

Nick S: Too late.
Eric: "I can't believe it's not butter!"

Tom: "Why not?  It says 'Soylent Yellow' on the side of the tub!"
John: You can go astral, but that leaves your body comatose.

Tom: We'll just shove her unconscious body in the windowless van.

Hunter: Because THAT didn't sound creepy at ALL...
John: They let everyone go but you.

Charlie: Because I was honest.

John: Because you're under arrest!
John: "Are you an investigator?"

Charlie: "Yes."

John: "What company do you work for?  Show me your license."

Charlie: "No."

John: "Why?"

Charlie: "I don't have one."

John: "Uh-huh."
John: "Are you willing to undergo some more thorough interrogation techniques?"

Karen: "I'm not up to being mind-raped by a weird machine, if that's what you're asking."
John: This ork is not long for this world.

Dianne: He has a red shirt, doesn't he?

John: After bleeding so much, yes.
David: You can't use Reincarnate on Donna's character because she was turned into an undead.

Donna: What?!

Nick S: Don't worry; we have your back.

Donna: You cut me in half!

Nick: We have your front, too.
Donna: You killed my character!

Hunter: Start crying!  If reddit has taught me anything it's that DMs cannot resist the tears of a female gamer and will save their characters from death!

David: She's my wife; I've developed an immunity to her tears.
David: The bones are moving slowly...

Nick S: "Maybe... maybe it's just happy little ants moving the bones.  Or puppies!  Happy puppies who found the biggest bones ever!"

Hunter: "If it's puppies, then they're hell hound puppies and the only bones they're going to eat are ours."
David: You fall into the lake of acid.

Nick: That's 10d6 damage a round, and we can't NOT fall in!

David: The module lists this as an appropriate encounter for a level 8 party.

Nick: It LIED!
Donna: Critical failure.

David: ::draws a card:: "Whiff: The attack deals damage to you instead of the target."

Nick S: That's not a whiff, that's a wham!
Nick S: So now what? We present our green scales or it shoots acid lasers at us?

Hunter: Don't give the DM ideas.
Hunter: "Don't step in the circle; it has a strong magical aura I haven't been able to discern."

Nick S: "What?"

Hunter: "It'll do stuff to you.  I don't know what."

Nick S: "There ya go."
Eric: If this gets any worse I'll have to use Lay On Hands on myself.

Eli: If you start touching yourself you'll never prove you aren't enjoying this.
Eric: You can still cast spells while on your back.

Charlie: That makes sense; the most magical women I've ever known were on their backs at the time...
Hunter: It gives you a bad touch.

Eric: There are no safe words in Uncle Touchy's basement.
Hunter: "Return whence you came, monster!"

Nick S: "I'll return you to your grave!"

David: "But we're alive, not undead..."

Nick S: "I've been locked away for decades.  Shut up!"
Brett: "If the water turns red, it means 'Help Me'."
Brett: "No, no.  The bartender fell down.  That's what we're telling the watch."
Nick S: "We'll cut up the rabbit and share.  Two of us each get a leg, and one of us gets the thorax."

Brett: "I don't think I want to eat a rabbit with a thorax."
Brett: Yes, I'm sure this will run like clockwork, except this will be a murder-clock oiled by the blood of heroes.

August 23, 2013

Rick: I can cast Resist Energy, not Resist Pirates.
Aaron: "This man was shot."

Ian: "He pulled a gun on me."
Rick: He's a noble; he gets money.  I'm a pirate; I get to spit on people.
Nick S: Running away is for pansies! I turn INVISIBLE before running away.
Rick: Statistically speaking I'm much more likely to lie better than I hid.
Jonathen: You've had to kill every ninja master you've ever had.

Rick: I didn't HAVE to kill them.
Brett: Rachel, don't pamper the Lord of Death.
Brett: That's the thing about evil friends.  They aren't friends.
Nick S: "What happened to being greedy but loyal?"

Jonathen: "I lied.  I'm also a liar."
Alex: The ooze seems sad.

Jonathen: I'll put some arrows in it to cheer it up.
Rachel: You mean the paparazzi aren't opera singers?
Ian: Hey!  I don't remember installing a self-destruct in those goblins!
Nick: "Can you put this somewhere it can't be scryed on?"

Matt: "Sure.  We have a special container for that."

Nathan: ::throws item in the fireplace::
Rick: "I see you have a potion there.  I could greatly use that potion.  Do you have any need for it?"

Jonathen: "Well actually..."

Rick: "How about you hand over that damn potion and not answer that question?"
Nick S: We looted him?  When did we loot him?

Brett: No, I preemptively looted him for when we loot him later.
Ian: Juntao has done this before.

Jonathen: Exploded?!
Ian: "He was attacking me, so of course I had to respond."

Jonathen: "He attacked you while unconscious and on the floor?"
Jonathen: You did kill one of Dracos' clerics in cold blood, then sold his soul to a devil.  Then blamed Dracos himself for it.

Rick: Well, I promise to never do it again.
Jonathen: Rick, you hear a voice in your head.

Rick: "Oh no.  Not again."

Jonathen: "Insolent fool!  Who do you serve?"

Rick: "Who may I ask is calling?"
Jonathen: "Die, motherfu- I mean, Hail, Glorious Leader."
Dana: I have Deflect Arrows.

Nathan: Well, you got hit 19 times.  Get crackin'.
Jonathen: "He was planning to blow up the hotel we were in."

NPC: "Why?!"

Jonathen: "He though he might have to kill a guy inside.  ONE GUY."
Rick: For some reason, and I can't believe I'm saying this right now, I'm not worried about the dragon.
Adrian: "I swore on the souls of my family."

BretT: "I hope your family knows you're a madman who's sent them all to hell."
Jonathen: My guy never forgets.  How am I going to explain that I forgot to pay these guys?
Jonathen: "All other forms of persuasion have failed.  Send in Frankie."

Jon: "All right!  You have until the count of three to answer all my questions or I start cutting off your fingers!  One!  Two! THR-"

Jonathen: "Frankie wait!!  You didn't ask him anything yet!"
NPC: "Come out with your hands up!"

John: "I'm performing surgery at the moment!  Can you come back in five minutes?"

Rick: I would comply, but I only have one hand right now and can't.
Nick: I rolled a 4, a 4, and another 4.

Matt: So you rolled an 8.
John: I never hung body parts from the ceiling!

Nick S: Just because you made a new character sheet doesn't mean you can change the past.
John: No, it's what I do AFTER I murder them that makes me a pervert.
John: I pull out, like, two tens and say "Maybe my friends whoever these presidents are can help you remember."
Jonathen: "Is Carl still alive?"

John: "Let me check." ::gunshot:: "No."

Jonathen: "Hello?  Is this Emmett?"
Brett: "You're not trustworthy!  You sold your soul for a sword!"

Nick S: "Pretty sweet sword, though."
Nick S: Your party members are being slaughtered and you're looting my corpse.  God I want to stab you.
Nick S: Torture is not a social skill!
Nick S: She's a paladin; she doesn't care about glory.

Jonathen: She's not a paladin.

Nick S: Well okay then.
Jonathen: You're not in DC; you don't kill each other over shoes.
Nick S: Is that a lightsaber in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?  I really hope its a lightsaber...
Jonathen: Are those Jedi pants?  'Cuz your Force is outta this world.
Eric: I'm not even bloodied.

Frank: Shut up you... you tank!
Frank: No one likes him anyway; he has a stupid hat.
Hunter: Don't mind the paladin if he sticks his hand down his pants to lay on hands.

John: If he sticks his hand down YOUR pants, he's Catholic.
Eric: You take 40 emotional damage, 10 crying damage ongoing, and alcoholism.  Save ends.
Coley: "You're very pretty for a dwarf man."
Eric: Did the kobold just dismiss a dragon?

Eli: Yes.  Yes I did.
Eli: Rick is going to drunkenly ride a brahmin.  "I have a steed!  His name is Bill!"

Chris M: "If he's a dude, why does Bill have tits?"

Eli: "I have a steed!  HER name is Bill!"
Eric: You shoot him in the dick again and he dies.
Eric: I need you to make a Vigor roll to avoid catching fire.

Chris M: This could end up awesome since Frank's carrying all the explosives.

::one failed vigor roll later::

Chris M: You can just tell us we're dead.  You don't have to do the math.

Eric: ::rolls handfuls of dice over and over:: Yes I do.
Jason: "I'm sorry ma'am.  We're from the future and we have to kill you to save reality."
Luke: I'm going to slap him on the ass and give him a thumbs up as I skip away, because no one suspects a gay spy.

Hunter: You don't have to be flamboyant to be gay.

Luke: Right.  You can be a bear.

August 21, 2013

Chris: "We've all done interesting things."

Jason: "I murdered the universe."

Phil: "And now we're going to undo the one cool thing you did."

Eric: To be fair, it was Leroy that landed the killing blow.

Hunter: Jason started it!
Hunter: "Of course I'd like to save all of existence.  It's where I keep my stuff."
Hunter: "I think this means you owe Petrov some respect, Rick, because if this Guardian of Eternity thing is correct he murdered all of Time."

Chris M: "That IS pretty impressive."

Phil: "He didn't do it alone!"
Eli: "What the hell's a Canada?"

Hunter: "Canada use to be America's hat."

Eli: "No, Abe Lincoln was America's hat."
Chris M: "If you can control time and space, how can there be more pressing matters?"

Eric: "I was being facetious, you ass."
Eric: "I am a being of thought and energy.  I do not have a mother."

Chris M: "Not after what I did to her!"
Eli: "Who carries a briefcase around?"

Eric: "I dunno! Businessmen!"

Luke: "Who carries a briefcase in Old Town?"

Eric: "Somebody who wants to get robbed."
Phil: He doesn't look like someone addicted to drugs, but then you turn around and he's injecting cocaine directly into his eyeballs.
Jason: I'm going to roll to not be Shaken anymore.

Eli: Like a baby.

Jason: You can't unshake a baby.
Frank: "We love you Petrov, you magnificent bastard."

Eli: "No we don't."

Frank: "I love you."

Eli: "No."

Frank: "We hate you Petrov.  You make me vomit!"

Eli: "Took it a little far there."
Eli: "I haven't been to Reno since that time with Elvis."

Chris M: "Elvis has been dead for over 200 years."

Phil: (playing an alien) "Elvis is FINE. We've been treating him FINE."
Eric: You shake her.

Eli: Like a baby!

Thomas: I was going to say like a Polaroid picture.

Chris M: Babies are more fun.
Eric: The robed ones are all in a corner where Leroy threw them during the battle.

Hunter: "I put them in time out!"
Eli: I don't like how calm Eric is about this combat.

Hunter: I don't know about you guys, but I'll be fine.  Nobody eats Deathclaw.
Eli: "I'm from Vault 9."

Eric: "Never heard of it."

Eli: "Yeah, it's pretty underground."
Frank: Breakfast: The Tastening!

Eric: The new game from White Wolf.

Hunter: Gordon Ramsey is the enemy coven leader.
Eli: Punchersize!  It's an exorcism where you punch the demons out.
Tom: I've used up all my dick jokes for the day.

Eli: You've used up all your daily dick jokes?

Nick S: Might have to start throwing out some encounter dick jokes.

Eli: Spend an action point for some extra dicks.

Chris: I knew a girl in high school like that.
Ann: Surprise sex is always good!

Charlie: Sometimes there's cake!
Luke: Nobody rapes cows.

Nick S: That you know of.  100% of cow rape goes unreported.
Eli: It's like surprise sex!

Chris: Except that instead of confetti it's lightning and pain.
Tom: "Nobody's asking you to eat the dragon, just to not watch while WE do."
Nick S: Kobold chili is mostly rats and botulism.

Chris: That's almost the exact same recipe as Taco Bell.
Eric: He's made of rage and hit points, loosely bound in leather.
Tom: Screw it.  I'll just buy whiskey.

Eli: But that won't keep you warm.

Tom: But I won't care.
Nick S: "What's your name again?"

Eli: "Kespeskix."

Nick S: "Your new name is Special K."
Charlie: Which one is Nick fighting?

Nick S: The giant one.

Charlie: New plan.  I'm not helping Nick.
Eric: The druid's Fortitude is "Bear."
Coley: I need to memorize my shit.

Elias: Language.

Coley: What?  It's in the Bible.
Eric: The robot runs forward at his top speed of... ::consults a sheet::

Frank: Ridiculously fast for a Protectron?
Eric: After Leroy's wild attack, three are dead and three more are Shaken.

Hunter: ...

Chris M: You know you want to say it.

Hunter: "Nobody eats Deathclaw."
Chris M: I would like to take this opportunity to tell her she is one ugly motherfucker.